“Just because you have superpowers, that doesn’t mean your love life would be perfect. I don’t think superpowers automatically means there won’t be any personality problems, family problems or even money problems. I just tried to write characters who are human beings who also have superpowers.” — Stan Lee
Who is your favorite villain? For some reason mine always reverted back to Venom, the villain in the Spider man Comic books. For those unfamiliar, the character is a free forming parasite. It can latch onto a host and basically have the freedom to be able to do just about whatever it desired. In addition to that, being an outcast on Earth as an alien, maybe I even related to the fact that he was misunderstood a bit.
Nonetheless, my point is that life has the same types of villains. Ones that latch onto us as the host and continue to influence us to make poor decisions. Until it is done and then onto the next. The worst part of it all is that we may not even be aware that it has latched onto us!
Some of these are not just physical. Some are internal, mental, and spiritual. Either way, we all have our own form of them.
The only way to truly combat these villains of life is to incorporate what I call,
PRA:
● Realize your superpower. (Potential)
● Unlock it with self-belief. (Reach)
● Fully surrender. (Aggression)
Much as any comic book portrays, we are the path of our own hero’s journey. We are the only ones with the powers to get rid of the dark clouds that hover over the village. People are counting on each of us in our own way, and this is going to be the time where all of the areas in life we have been scared to look will come to light. The truth of it all is that the villains stem from insecurities within the self so depending on the resistance level, and the depth of the darkness, that will depend on the persistence level of the opponent. Remember, the harder you fight, the smarter they get. The key is to outsmart them as you outwork them. So to figure out how to do that, let’s get to know the most common forms of villains:
Fear Is Bliss
“On the other side of fear is absolute bliss”. -Will Smith.
Will Smith is one of my all-time favorite people in the world. He is an extraordinary actor, rapper, and now YouTube vlogger that recently has been doing some pretty incredible things. His latest stunt was him skydiving over the Grand Canyon! The plane flew up, he jumped out, and it was one of the most beautiful things you had ever seen. Just a free fall and after they landed they asked him about the experience, and his message was apparent. Fear shouldn’t stop you! Even if everyone thinks that you’re crazy for trying something new and for doing what you always wanted to, it shouldn’t matter what anyone else thinks. You matter, and it matters to you, so why shouldn’t it actually matter? Fear stops most people because they feel like something terrible will happen. This is false.
If you eliminate fear from the equation or allow for a state of gratitude when making a decision, that’s when you start to realize that regardless of the result, if you’re able to be satisfied that you even made a decision, it unlocks more doorways for exploration. This can give you potential information inside you may need for your journey. Majority of the time, the things that cripple us from making any real change are fear, ego, and distraction. Fear, however, plays a significant factor in how we perceive things. This creates confusion towards fear and danger. That seeps through into our daily life. Our subconscious reaction is to refrain from the fear and not attack it head-on. When we make decisions from fear, we are being irrational and selfish in what we could potentially be giving ourselves, holding back instead of being who we know we can be.
Fear signals a fight or flight response. What people don’t realize though is that the fight or flight response is designed in nature to continue our survival. So living based on fear, in essence, means you are surviving through life and not living it. Try making a decision not based on fear but rather, practicality. Ask yourself, “will this decision further the trajectory of where I want to be?” or ask yourself if it will hinder growth altogether. Of all of the success stories you read or hear about the one underlying tonality of what the basis was in which they all began their career is fear. It can be a power that can change your life, or it can be the very thing stopping you. That choice, however, is ultimately dictated by our daily actions and desire to keep the pursuit of your goals alive.
What’s the first decision you make every morning?
● Is it to go get coffee?
● Is it to stress the day that lies ahead?
● Or maybe it is to hit that snooze button?
Either way, our thoughts and our days begin with our first decision of the day, and this should be for you to be courageous. For you to say out loud to yourself that you will be happy and not fearful of anything that may happen that day. This decision creates focus, and most people don’t realize the power that it gives us. It immediately takes us from being fearful and nervous of our days into a transition of offense and willingness to take on any challenges.
This is something I had to learn head on. I was always brought up with being comfortable and working within the confines of where I was and not really pursuing action but reacting to what life would throw at me. You cannot, however, expect to play defense the whole game and win. You’ve got to take offense at least once to score. If you want to take some homework away from this, it is that you need to become courageous and try new things.
Start by telling yourself every morning that you’re going to be happy and willing to take on any challenges that day, and I mean physically out loud! It sounds very cliché, but you will shift your mind to the offense for the day. Go into every work day as the battle, and let the meantime be your training. One day you will be a master, but it takes strength, resilience, and aggression to get there and to create that foundation takes grueling effort. The question people forget to ask though is if they’re willing to suffer for what they believe is possible?
The Three E’s — Ego
“The ego is only an illusion, but a very influential one. Letting the ego-illusion become your identity can prevent you from knowing your true self. Ego, the false idea of believing that you are what you have or what you do, is a backward way of assessing and living life.” -Wayne Dyer
If you take for example all of the most sustainably successful people out there in all genres; Warren Buffett, Tony Robbins, Jeff Bezos, Jim Carrey, Drake, Beyonce, Jay Z, LeBron James, Tom Brady, and even going as back as far as Genghis Khan, all of these people had and have one thing in common, and that is awareness of ego. Not overcompensating too excessively, nor undervaluing themselves too little. Seemingly exposing this middle ground. However, when you analyze the different parts of their lives in totality the commonality over how they were able to become aware of it was the fact that they became curious. They were all constantly learning as opposed to replaying the wrong cycle system.
The ego is one of the most deadly, yet empowering parts of the human mind because it can become inflamed at any moment without us even realizing it has happened. Having excessive amounts of ego can prevent us from seeing things clearly because we get caught up in the smaller version of ourselves. It can make us feel entitled to things, create blame, and excuses for why we don’t do things, allowing for false realities to plague your dreams. It can be a double-edged sword because we can also have too little ego and lack the confidence ever to take a risk. Ego is like the immature kid sitting in the back seat, wanting to make decisions for you. Similar to emotion, the important thing is to recognize and acknowledge that the ego is there but not allow total strength or power. This is where logic and reason come in.
Have you ever noticed when you are arguing with a spouse or a loved one and once logic and reason come into it, all of a sudden the person gets mad that the reactive engagement isn’t on the same wavelength as their emotional state? Or basically, they get angry because you didn’t get upset. The ego gets upset when we refuse to pay attention to the part that wants that instant sort of gratification, but when we can control this and maintain a level of self-esteem that is both practical and reliable, this can set everything up in a much better way.
We have mirror neurons in our brain that actually try to mimic that of others, so this is why you see people laugh together or yawn. It is the same concept for the ego when it comes to arguments. If both people in the above discussion are thinking logically and have their egos in check, well then this typically allows for a great and meaningful conversation. Providing an excellent environment for communication and connection to grow and progress to become stronger with a much more robust foundation. The ego will resort to arguments because it thrives on competition and once that becomes stronger than our own need for competitiveness with ourselves, then we’ve already lost the battle.
So what do we do? Well, we become friends with our ego, because when you know you’re ego, you can identify your ego, and when you can do that you can reference back with enough knowledge to keep the ego in its place whenever you know you feel that sense of hurt, disappointment, anger, or frustration. Here are some tips I personally use to determine whether or not my ego is perhaps slipping away a bit from the grasp of control..
Know Your Ego
Ask yourself the following questions, and be honest with yourself.
● Do I get mad or envious of others?
● Do I let out negative or positive comments towards opinions first?
● Do I accept the ways the past has molded me?
● Am I nervous, or humbled by what I believe the future has to offer me?
These four questions can help put the ego in check. It helps to put your perspectives in order, and what that organization allows for is clarity. That clarity, in turn, will help you make better decisions and ultimately reform the ego to a healthy balance of leveled self-esteem. If you continue to get mad or envious, it’s because you feel entitled to something, ego. If you let out negative comments all of the time or even too many positive ones, either of those could be compensating for a threat to ego or lack of ego enough to insufficiently apply sustained confidence. If you accept the ways the past has molded you, the ego is silenced because you feel at peace with who you are. If you are humbled by what the future has to offer you, then you believe you deserve great things which is the sign of maturity because you no longer need the instant gratification. A person with sufficient confidence to continue on the path without giving in to other distractions is a person with the ego understood. When priorities become clear, you know its working. Not to say everyone is perfect, there will be times when we feel ourselves losing control, but the ability to bounce back and take ourselves out of our own head is where the power actually lies.
The Three E’s — Expectations
“When you stop expecting people to be perfect, you can like them for who they are.” -Donald Miller
Expectations come with contingencies. Meaning when you put hope on something or a story of what you think someone thinks of you, then your actions become less genuine and more as an act put on for others. Instead of you being a reflection of you at that point, you become a reflection of what others think you are. It’s like that song by the award-winning hip-hop artist Eminem entitled “The Way I Am.” In which he talks about being whatever people say he is. He says that if he wasn’t, then why would it be said? Which is what we tell ourselves. We get it in our own head that we are whatever we tell ourselves that we are, all based on what we believe others think we should be. It is quite a phenomenon.
Realistically what we need to do is shut this out and completely block unhealthy expectations. I know that most say you need to overestimate your expectations to reach higher levels of success, but this is another version of that. This is the version where you exceed your potential by eliminating the values of others opinions. It is okay to value truth and validity of intelligence, but you are not required to take any views to heart, nor should you. When people praise you stay calm. When people judge you, stay calm. Remaining present while presenting unwavering courage will get you where you intended. Eventually.
Either way, this all takes hard work and dedication. Consistency with a combined level of enthusiasm for the whole process. Remember always to empower yourself and do not downgrade your thoughts or emotions. Become one with whom you are and really focus on your self-awareness. The most important and valuable thing you can bring to the world is your true self. The sooner we can grasp that concept and show as much compassion as we do complaints and negativity, the sooner the world will be off to becoming a much better place. Deploy insane amounts of empathy, and do not take things personally, audit yourself and begin to form your habits early. Be the change by first taking accountability and accepting the leadership role in your life. Once you let go, you take complete control, and that’s what most strive for. Nobody ever has it all figured out but the ones that make it take the extra time to figure it out. All it takes is learning, growing, becoming more, and realizing that active patience is the key. Not instant gratification, nor unreasonable expectations brought on by ourselves or others.
The Three E’s — Excuses
“Fortune favors the bold”
The Latin saying remains true. On the other side of fear is bliss. We’re fearful of stepping up because it enters a new realm within us that is going to require exploration. We as humans are afraid of the unknown, so we create excuses, so we don’t have to start. Do not overwork but know that work is required. This is why we need to grind in our early years and keep going with as much prep work as possible in whatever direction we’re planning on going. What I mean is before you go crazy with working out you need to do a warm-up set to get the muscles working. I feel the same should go for us as well.
This is what usually sets the tone. People claim they have no time for this, they’re too busy for that. When realistically, we all have the time to do anything we truly want to do. I completely understand that we’ve got to work plus go to school, on top of raising a family, so we make excuses as to why our aspirations are not getting done. All of these are valid reasons because you’ve justified them and made these decisions bind to your habits. Habits begin with words, but these are all just excuses that are too commonly used and have become an unconscious response due to lack of aggression. Every time your brain receives the stress signal, it immediately reverts back to the comfortability stage and hasn’t been adequately trained to push the bounds on the will or unlock a deeper level of consciousness.
One of the ways you can negate these excuses before they occur is by taking accountability for everything around you. Kind of like when your parents used to say be honest, and the punishment wouldn’t be as harsh or if much like pleading guilty and getting a lower sentence. The same concept applies. By taking ownership, you’re already eliminating the excuse because you are no longer blaming anyone else for the lack of control in your own life. Think about it. The more responsibility and accountability you have for everything that happens to you, the sooner you have control over your emotional reactions. Suddenly when you get mad, it’s because of you, not the end of the bed you stubbed your toe on last night.
Shift the blame immediately, so if you get upset, it’s because of your own fault. As soon as you can let go of your pride and your ego, the easier this will be. Most people don’t want to do the hard stuff, and most people also tend not to want to be honest with themselves. I know I wasn’t honest with myself for so long! Yet, as soon as I started to make these changes, I noticed a dramatic change even in performance at work. When times would get hard, and I’d feel like quitting I’d remember that it may not be my fault as far as the circumstances, but it’s entirely my fault if I continue to remain in this position. So I began to make shifts into the way I viewed work. Sort of making it my own without remorse. See, the beauty of taking responsibility for your own life means nobody and nothing can control you. It’s insane how when you make this change, you instantly report to yourself and yourself only. At that point, this is when the accumulation of unknown regret can form. Excuses in the past, cause for habits in the present, which ultimately create disappointment in the future. Live a life of abundance, not a breath of excuses because what that will end up doing is leaving you with is an excuse for a living. Eliminate excuses!
We’ve got to set ourselves up for success, and one thing that is entailed is doing things we are unfamiliar with. Everybody is terrible at something they do for the first time. I bet you didn’t stand up and walk the first time, did you? You were probably able to rise onto your own two feet but perhaps plopped right back down. I also bet you tried your hardest to keep getting back up. I bet maybe you cried or laughed and even though you knew you would continue to fall and fall, you also had unconscious faith that because others were able to do it with ease and normalcy, you eventually would too.
That very sense of self-belief is what strengthens who we are inside and keeps us striving. The same courage we display within ourselves and within our belief systems need to be consistently growing and adapting. Fear is a part of the journey. The difference in the people that gain any sort of happiness or success is that the ones with abundance are willing to dive into a deeper form of who they want to be. In turn, that allows them to overcome based on the perception that fears are the different levels of joy. The worse the fear, the higher the amount of pleasure that lies behind that curtain.
I always wondered when I was younger how all of the fancy businessmen could predict things and always seem to know what was going on with the market and could even relate it to simple tactics such as how to spend money and know when we’re overspending. Even more so, how to use money logically to benefit the overall goal. The critical thing I never realized though was how much work I was not seeing to overcome the obstacles. It wasn’t until a few years later that I would notice the fact that what I saw was just one glimpse. One small piece of a vast and well-orchestrated puzzle.
That’s what I think we forget. The fear that we face at every turn is what leads up to success. It needs to become transformed into a pursuit of joy from within the courage we put forth. Not the inner courage we wish we could tap into. That, in essence, is the main villain, fear, at it again. However, now it comes as a manifestation of an excuse not to start or only to see the fear and not the bliss that awaits us. When we see the people, we look up to, or when we watch their videos, we only get a 5 second to 1-hour clip of a compilation of their lives. It isn’t the times they are working or doubting, or even getting frustrated and becoming riddled with fear but pursuing the dream anyway. Those moments though, to me, are the things that make them who they are and what keep the good ones reasonable and what makes others great. The influence, however, is excuse built. If you really think about it, how do you think you may answer the following question?
If you had to choose, would you rather watch a 23-hour breakdown special on the day to day life of LeBron James as a regular person without any relation to basketball? Or would you rather watch the one-hour championship game against the Golden State Warriors? Most people would rather see the endpoint. Do not get your level one mixed up with someone’s level 56. Life is a marathon, much as Jericho is about to find out. The sooner we can all focus on our race and not give in to the fear of thinking that we don’t have the capabilities or the resources someone else has, the sooner we can all stop making excuses and start building our confidence. No matter the rubble, we should all be able to find faith.
Inflictions
“I no longer have any fear of pain because I’m the one inflicting it and can decide when it stops”
-Maude Julien
I think we’ve all experienced some level of negative self-worth where our past has led us to believe we are still that person. Or even worse, that the world would be a much better place without us. In turn, this can create self-doubt and eventually, self-sabotage. This is when our belief is so thwarted that we actually feel we are not worthy of good things, nor do we have faith that good things will come. We judge ourselves too harshly, and until we can learn to love ourselves completely and unconditionally, we will continue to sabotage our life and not feel as though we deserve it to get better.
What can stem from this is worry, more self-doubt, and negative talk, as well as more fear, distraction, and a damaged ego. These are breeding grounds for decision fatigue, more anxiety, stress, depression, or worse. In conclusion, though just remember that everything you’re going through as far as hardship is only to further your progress. So start whatever it is that you want to do and begin to use progression to propel forward in the pursuit of that.
We need to learn to detach slowly. Not the detachment of yourself with others but with the stories we tell ourselves. The negative stories we add to random events which can spiral our emotions out of control. The universe gives us exactly what we ask for. So in turn, the things that happen to us along the way are formulated to be the tests we need to pass. The problem with this is that it’s sustainable up until the point where we give them a story and a meaning behind it. This is why people react so differently to different things. Why some cannot worry so much. Perhaps it’s because they know they’ve already taken steps to solve whatever problem is put forth and anything added on is just extra drama meant to test the growth so far.
Or maybe they simply know that they are the path and whatever they decided was meant to be. When we detach ourselves, we’re able to take the wrong part of the ego out of the presence of the happening. Enough to be able to form our own truth and do the things we need to move the needle a bit. By detaching ourselves, we can also become more objective to situations and not as emotionally bound to what is going on
Do not get caught up in isolation. If we detach too much, this is when we begin to feel lonely. Loneliness and solitude are entirely different. Being separated is like being in solitude. When we are not auditing what we tell ourselves that is when isolation multiplies because we feel we are not worthy of what we desire enough to put that out to the world. That is also the exact moment when relationships are no longer authentic because now you’re too focused on your own tunnel vision instead of the broader vision.
You will be able to start to see a shift in the fact that you are not genuinely having conversations, you are merely going through motions and becoming robotic. You begin to experience anxiety as opposed to optimism. This can be just as disastrous so stay alert in how much you are detaching your story with what is going on. If you begin to separate too much and begin to isolate yourself, you can always come back just start engaging more with others within your circle even if it’s just a simple, but GENUINE, hey how’s everything going? Social interaction will always trump being alone. Even scientists and psychologists have proven this time and time again with suicide rates linked to depression and overall levels of anxiety in today’s modern world.
So be aware of these things. Remember that relationships are a part of this overall cycle. Always maintain the most healthy relationships possible with the ones that are encouraging and challenging you. Those are going to be the ones that will be able to get your out of the funk of isolation and back into the groove of detachment and ultimately one step closer to attacking any of those negative inflictions upon self.
The Mirror of Judgement
“Comparison is the thief of joy.” -Theodore Roosevelt
So why do we continue to compare our lives to the success of others? That’s what we are doing. We are seeing things we are taught to want only by societal standards. In addition to that, we base our level of success on a one hour Kardashian show, or a five-minute scroll through a motivational influencer feed on Instagram where it’s all grind! Day in and day out, with actual time and resources to have professional pictures taken. Making videos to post all day while we all work and consume it. You take this as “All I’ve got to do is post a few pictures.”
The fame we all see is fabricated. The money is a byproduct. That’s what it’s really about. Do any of us really want fame? I believe its admiration and some attention but not fame. Popularity comes with the openness of all aspects of life. Would you like to be stopped 51 times just to go to the airport because it’s your fourth flight in three days and you are tired because you did this many events and had to talk to that many people? Not many people could remain poised enough to continue. Cultivate your fulfillment and begin to nurture it into reality.
This is what work does. The more work you do on yourself, the more of your fulfillment you can cultivate. Once you get that rush of unwavering happiness and courage, you will then be ready to nurture it into the vision you see for yourself. That’s when everything comes full circle, and now this is an endless cycle of fulfillment, instead of an infinite sequence of dread. From the beginning now to the end where the beginning happens again. A Phoenix amid any sort of darkness you may be experiencing.
That is the real goal of this book to make everyone feel like they matter because you do matter. You do have something to contribute to society even if you think you don’t. Also if your heart has been ripped out of your chest and you are lost, or if you have bipolar disorder or depression and have no control I want this system to work for you because it is something that I never had. I honestly never had anyone that could understand what I was going through, and I did not like the antidepressants. Nor do I like taking any sort of pills. Nobody should feel alone, and if you do you should not survive through the fear of judgment, but fully live through with the courage to be yourself and not apologize for it or feel you need to live up to a so-called ‘expectation.’
Don’t compare yourself with others. This takes away from your marathon. There’s a picture of Michael Phelps that I had seen and will never forget. It was of him winning the 2012 Olympics, and you see Phelps looking forward about to win as his competitor has his head turned toward Michael.
It captivated me because everyone always seems to be doing this throughout life. Looking at other as they get ahead of us. Most people are ahead of you, though because they don’t know who you are. What they pay attention to has everything to do with the future and absolutely nothing to do with what you’re doing. This is the kind of mentality we should all possess because the way it works is once we compare ourselves we are taking away from the joy and the things that are in our lives.
Just like that, we instantly devalue our own self-worth without even realizing it. We pick up our phone and are instantly comparing our lives and being influenced that the basic necessities are material things or a life of luxury. Every successful person you have ever known will tell you to do what you do and compete with yourself. Obviously, take into account the trends and the market but do not for one-second envy what someone else has because if you truly wanted that particular thing you’d have it.
Indecisive Distraction
“I have wandered all my life, and I have also traveled; the difference between the two being this, that we wander for distraction, but we travel for fulfillment.” -Hilaire Belloc
Distraction is one of those things where if you’re not careful, you could be going down a path of indecision and confusion. One minute you may want this then the next you may wish to that and so on and so forth. During these moments, it is crucial to be self-aware of who you are. What are you good at? What are your real strengths and weaknesses? If you are a more visual learner, write them down on paper and begin to really analyze these. If you can take a step outside of yourself and answer your own fundamental questions, then you have already done most of the legwork.
Self-awareness is the most important thing you could do for your future self. This will create wisdom, and from that moment on, you will intake more knowledge. Similar to a liquid being poured into your soul. After you figure out who you are, the rest becomes clear. You will then pour out all of the abundances and put it out through your overflow. You first need to figure out what you love, not what you have always wanted to be when you grow up but what you actually enjoy. If you love basketball but cannot play, you can surround yourself with the environment and get lost in that passion. Once you find that the distractions minimize tremendously. You become so laser-focused on what you love that the other things become more obsolete. The goal ultimately is to have that passion become your purpose, but for now, just allowing yourself freedom in living based on what makes you feel alive is an exciting concept!
What happens when we don’t become self-aware is that becomes the distraction. For example, how many times have you asked yourself what your purpose is? Who you want to be? Or what you want to do with your life? We focus more on those questions themselves then we do actually going about our days living out who we are.
Let’s say you love bodybuilding and are good at it. You’ve won competitions and are doing well, but now you have this dream of aspiring to be the next Olympic swimmer. It’s just not practical, why would you focus on things such as swim lessons and coaching and pouring the effort into that when you know you could do one arm 50 lb. Curl with perfect form! It’s about identifying and creating something based off of the right variables. If you love bodybuilding that much, take more steps in furthering progression in that area.
Whether it be educating, writing books, starting a YouTube, anything. The sky’s the limit! Don’t let idle hands be your downfall in the discipline. People become distracted also when they start to judge themselves based on the people they are around. If people are doing well around you but you’re not how do you take that? With a grain of salt or with a big ass boulder? Most times people feel as though they need what their friends have or what the people they look up to have because they don’t know who they are. The influence around you will also cause for distraction.
Know who you are, know your ego, and be more willing to learn than yesterday. Even on a macro level, you will spend less money on frivolous things to compensate, and spend more time on the things that are going to change YOUR future individually. No matter what, above of all, you must figure out who you are. You may not fit in with anyone in your circle, you may feel alone like you don’t belong. It isn’t for the reasons you think, though. It will not feel that way once you open yourself up to who you indeed are inside.
Radiate who you are with the world and if it is just getting the news out or just painting a picture well then do that every day and revolve your life around that, not the job, not the bills, not anything that causes for distraction. If you saved all of the money you spent on the frivolous and only restricted it to what you need for what you love to do, then you would surprisingly have more clarity in your mind, more money, and more freedom because you get lost in certain aspects of it. The time you spend doing it, the way it makes you feel as you’re doing it, and how proud you are of the progression you’re seeing within your passion and as well as yourself.
